The Day I Turned Thirty-Something

I really love birthdays - not just mine, anyone's. But this year I was a little bit reluctant to think about my birthday and what it might mean or even what I might want. Not just in terms of gifts or silly things like that, but in terms of what I want from the day and the year overall.

This past year has been hard. Since just before my last birthday, It seems like things have been repeatedly going to pieces every couple of months. Sometimes it's literally (basement, I'm looking at you). Sometimes it's emotionally or figuratively, like when two adults in their mid-30s suddenly have to question their career goals of the past 10 plus years. And yes, I recognize that just the act of things falling apart is in its own way a gift because it means something was built there to begin with, but it still hurts when it falls.

Nevertheless, whether you know where the year is taking you or not, birthdays will come. This one brought with it the gift of knowing that I have many friends who have my back during the tough times, who give of themselves without questioning, and whom I love with all my heart. They are my second family, and they will probably never know how I treasure that. I have the gift of knowing that no matter what may fall to pieces, I still have a foundation of God's and my family's love, which is stronger than adamantium. That's where I draw my strength from, and clearly, my badassery is a testament to how powerful love is.

I know what I would most like from this upcoming year. I'd love increased health, time for me and my loved ones, and financial security. Looking at that, my needs are apparently not very different from a video game character's, but I digress. I can't guarantee any of that. I can hope though, and make efforts, and I do believe that we'll come through.

I've been engaged in a lot of deep thinking about the nature of time, journeys, and new beginnings. I rarely think of my birthday as a beginning, coming as late in the year as it does. But maybe this time it can be a turning point. More reflection, more self-awareness, more efforts. But tonight I'm just starting with gratitude.